Why We Want to Turn Off Emotions
I’m sure you’ve had moments when you’ve thrown your hands up and said, “That’s it! I’m done! I am going to live on a deserted island, all alone.”
This usually comes from the exasperation of being hurt, frustrated, or deciding it’s not worth dealing with emotions. It’s tempting to just turn off your emotions.
There are several reasons that can cause your emotions to run wild and encourage these exact thoughts or maybe some similar sentiments.
As humans dealing with people, we especially want to steer clear of, or run from, the feelings that hurt us to the core. When someone breaks your heart, or disappoints you, it’s understandable to want to stop feeling altogether.
Each of us can probably recall someone who has made us feel this way at some point.
Even though it is not uncommon, turning off, or ignoring, your emotions is not the best way to deal with it.
In This Article
Main Reasons NOT to Turn Off Emotions
It may not be what you want to hear, but from a wellness standpoint, turning off your emotions is not an action you should take.
We will look at the reasons why it is better to focus on, rather than run from, or ignore, your feelings.
Before moving on, it’s vital to mention that our emotions come from our thoughts. This is very important to consider when addressing dealing with emotions.
Check out this article on emotional strength that explains this process.
It’s important to understand that thoughts lead to emotions, not the other way around. Then once we develop certain emotions, our actions reflect our feelings.
Knowing this specific pathway can help to deal with your emotions.
Don’t Ignore Your Emotions
One of the first things you might decide to do when you feel hurt is to ignore not only your feelings, but the person that caused the hurt.
It’s not uncommon to begin to formulate, or even force, ways to stop thinking about the pain. When your heart hurts, it’s a natural reaction to want to steer clear of reliving it over and over. That’s a protective mechanism.
So instead, you might turn to anything you can think of to keep your mind busy. If you recall the situation, the pain comes rushing back, along with the unwanted emotion.
The reality is that it’s impossible to completely remove a memory, or thought, 100 percent of the time. There will inevitably be a trigger which causes you to recall the event.
The longer you try to bury the emotion, or forget it altogether, the more energy is put into doing something that won’t benefit you in the long run. You’ll be minding your own business only to have that emotion come flooding in at the most inopportune moment.
Don’t Detach from Your Emotions
Maybe instead of trying to ignore an emotion, you decide that you are going to be strong and will not feel it at all.
The person that caused the hurt is not worth the pain they’ve caused you, so it’s time to just move on. Instead of allowing it, you take control and decide to isolate that feeling from your mind. You attempt to compartmentalize your emotions.
This is what causes us to put up walls. We reason that if we can keep the emotion at arm’s length, or further away, then we can control the hurt that we’re experiencing.
However, this is another method that does not work. Neither ignoring nor detaching emotions are healthy because they create a situation of isolation. It is impossible to completely keep a part of yourself from your whole being.
In addition, as we mentioned, thoughts control our emotions, and thoughts can randomly pop up at any time. Because of this, it will likely be impossible to completely detach from any emotion. It is tied to a thought, perhaps more than one.
Trying to detach from your emotions is unhealthy because it can begin to mute who you are. You have a variety of emotions.
Attempting to detach from the negative ones begins to skew your view and will eventually change your outlook completely. This even includes your positive perspectives.
Learn to Dominate Your Emotions
So, what are you supposed to do with all the feelings that stay stirred up and cause you such difficulty? If you don’t ignore or detach from them, then what?
The best way to deal is to dominate your emotions. I chose the word dominate here because it portrays strength. But the main idea is to control your emotions.
The most important thing to know is that it IS possible!
Remember, your emotions come from your thoughts. When we attempt to control feelings without understanding this, it is much more difficult.
Take on the correct mindset which is that your thoughts come first. While that sounds simple, it is often hard to remember when your heart hurts.
Understanding the pathway—thoughts, emotions, actions—allows correct perspective into taking control of your emotions and even your actions.
An important step is gaining emotional awareness.
Let’s look a little deeper.
How to Recognize Balanced Emotions
As with so many situations in wellness, balance is key. Even though it seems impossible when we are in a hard place emotionally, it can happen.
Much like physical health or social wellness, emotional health must have balance.
Balance starts with the correct perspective. The best way to gain the right perspective is to be willing to look.
You can begin by deciding not to ignore or detach yourself from your feelings, no matter how painful or frustrating they may be.
Look at these specific guidelines as a starting point. Then we will move into how to take control of your emotions.
Intensity vs. Regulation
When focusing on balance, it’s important to honestly realize the degree to which your emotions affect you.
We are different in this aspect, and maybe even from one situation to the next. Some people are more sensitive than others. However, a truthful look is a great first step.
The importance is to first identify the emotion taking place and realize the intensity. To create more balance, it’s necessary to regulate the level.
To maintain control, or dominance, of the emotion, you cannot allow the feeling to cause an intense reaction. (Remember: thoughts, emotions, actions)
Examples are road rage, hostile reactions from hurt, angry outbursts, and damaging words or actions.
We often feel justified because of our hurt or other emotions. But an honest assessment brings us to the conclusion that hurt can birth multiple other emotions. This helps to associate triggers with specific emotions and intensity levels.
Regulating this intensity is healthy for you more than anyone else. Stress is a sure-fire way to create a multitude of health problems now and in the future.
Isolation vs. Socialization
Once you realize your intensity levels, it’s important to know what to do next to begin regulation.
One immediate assessment is to understand whether you react better to isolation or socialization. This can even be different with each situation.
Depending on what has happened to cause a certain emotion, and what thought comes before it, you will typically have one of two reactions: isolation or socialization. You may even have a combination of the two.
Most of us react to an emotionally difficult situation by withdrawing or by reaching out to others.
Sometimes we like to be alone to process things. We might listen to music, eat, cry, pace, or several other reactions. On the flip side, some of us prefer being immediately surrounded by friends or family who know our secrets and seem to understand our situation better than anyone.
These reactions, especially in an emotionally acute stage, can drive the intensity level of our emotions.
Staying aware during this time can curb an otherwise intense situation.
Socialization can especially promote a greater severity of emotion because we feed off others. Keep this in mind when spending time with family and friends after an emotional circumstance.
Remember, balance is key and any extreme can cause even more difficult emotions or actions.
Keeping a Positive Outlook with Control
When addressing an emotional situation, part of what should enter your mind is what it will feel like on the other side of the circumstance.
This is hard at times, especially in the beginning, but a continued approach of negativity and depression, or max intensity, will keep you down.
Part of a healthy movement is to have an optimistic outlook. This helps to control your emotions because you are focusing your thoughts in the right direction.
Rather than stay in the immediate vicinity of emotional negativity, looking ahead begins with the right outlook.
Nobody is perfect, and it is easy to fall victim to a trigger. However, realizing that a better mindset is a healthy step toward conquering negative emotions is powerful.
Don’t be afraid to challenge yourself.
How to Take the Reins
None of us are immune to emotional difficulties, so we should have a plan in place before we need it. This may seem silly but trying to react appropriately when we are emotionally drained is not the easiest time to figure things out.
Staying proactive with your steps for wellness is important. Working from a deficit is hard in all parts of life and emotional health is no different.
You should focus some time and energy on relationship needs and maintaining great communication. In addition, taking time to stay focused mentally can be accomplished with increased mindfulness.
Also, addressing your personal development is important and a great way to stay healthy.
Let’s look at some ways to take the reins when it comes to your emotions.
1. Identify Your Triggers
We mentioned that thoughts trigger emotions. This can simply include thoughts within or any senses that cause a thought and trigger an emotion.
While this happens all throughout the day, it’s the triggers that create a recall of difficult emotional situations that we are referring to here.
Rather than ignore, mute, or attempt to detach, practice how to cope once you realize a trigger that is tied to your thoughts. Identify what makes your emotions elevate and creates intensity. Begin to practice rationalizing this thought and having a powerful mindset.
It isn’t always easy, but taking these steps allows you to begin controlling the emotion rather than allowing it to control you.
2. Know When to Say When
Once the ability to identify and rationalize your triggers takes place, it is important to further assess the situation.
The next step is to be prepared by focusing on when to speak and when not to. Also, along these same lines is when to react and when not to.
Both steps include deflating the intensity that takes place with a raw emotional reaction.
You will experience emotions that you expected which are easier to prepare for and handle. For example, maybe you have a family member who continuously frustrates you. You might have to be around them, so being prepared helps.
However, what if you have a raw, hurtful emotion? If you have created a thoughtful space of control in other situations, these acute circumstances can also become more dominated by you.
This strategy is a method for reaction in general.
3. Document Your Emotions
While you are becoming familiar with the steps mentioned, a great way to remember your progress, and monitor your feelings, is to journal. By documenting your emotions, you can recall and more deeply understand the situation.
In addition, when are you attempting to stay in control of your emotions, a cathartic way to deflate is to journal your emotions.
If there is no pen or paper, consider an electronic method to quickly record the mentioned techniques and decrease intensity.
It’s better to document your words than to say something in reaction that you may later regret.
Final Thoughts About Emotional Control
After discussing several ideas regarding dominating your emotions, it’s important to remember that balance is the key.
Extremes are not healthy, especially where emotions are concerned. But control isn’t always easy, and it usually does not happen by chance. It takes practice.
Now that you realize some of the main points about your emotional control, you can probably see why it’s better not to turn off your emotions. Attempting to do so doesn’t create better wellness, nor does it promote greater outcomes.
Instead, try the mentioned strategies to attempt a healthier mindset and outlook when you have an emotionally challenging situation.