Overview of Relationship Needs
While it’s easy to write about what we should do in a relationship, it’s much harder to walk it out.
One challenge is realizing that other people were not put on Earth to complete us. This pertains to all relationships: spouses, partners, friends, and even children.
That’s right, contrary to the popular storyline in movies, and the shows we love, people should not make or break our view of life.
Interactions with others are a large part of how we spend our days, and we often create situations based on this.
We need to develop positive relationship skills.
People should not be used to gauge our success, emotions, and circumstances.
We each live for a purpose. It does include interactions with others and often pertains to helping and guiding others. However, it’s important for us to realize that our worth doesn’t hinge on someone else’s opinion or view of us.
Too often people describe situations in which they are defeated, emotional, and drained due to the actions of other people.
It is important to be able to interact daily with others in a healthy manner. This also includes family wellness.
Let’s look at the main characteristics that are present in a healthy relationship.
In This Article
1. Perspective
One of the first and most important ideas of a healthy relationship is correct perspective.
We need to develop an outlook that will sustain us when we walk through most situations. This is challenging but starts within. Emotional awareness is a great step in this realm.
The right outlook is important in creating relationship wellness. However, we often we feel like we’re along for the ride rather than having a say in our situations with others.
A correct perspective involves realizing that we can only control ourselves.
When we move to seek control or demand a say in aspects involving others, we often feel let down or disappointed when things fall short.
A healthy perspective allows a clearer picture of how unmet expectations can cause frustration and disappointment. They can lead to anger, arguments, and even more harsh outcomes.
The best way to avoid this situation is to go into a relationship with the mindset that people are not made to complete us. They cannot fully recognize every part of our thoughts, desires, and expectations.
With this mindset, we don’t operate in a realm of holding others accountable at all cost, but rather with a view of grace and understanding. We become an optimistic influence.
They aren’t supposed to know everything about us. It’s impossible. So, give them and yourself a break.
Don’t overwhelm the relationship with a view that will either be impossible for success or one that will destroy the bond by insisting on the effort.
2. Commitment
It was mentioned that people do not complete us.
This stipulation has more to do with our choice and point of view than an expectation of receiving from others.
Too often we base our commitment on how much we like someone or even if we think they’re deserving.
Although a variety of circumstances go into our relationships with people, most of us feel that “blood is thicker than water.”
What does that even mean? Well, simply put, family comes first. They are the most important.
What if we approached all relationships with that degree of commitment?
Even if the same amount of time is not spent, we can operate from a point of view with greater attention to the needs of others.
The view in society currently has a much more selfish undertone. One that promotes what “I” need rather than what might be better overall or help others.
This perspective creates a black hole that sucks in positive outlooks and authentic healthy relationships.
We’re all guilty to an extent. It’s common for us to look at what’s best for our family, friends, and ourselves.
What if we each made more of an effort to look beyond our immediate scope?
Commitment to others is important in healthy relationships as is the motivation to keep it going.
A first step is to practice authentic commitment and less selfishness with those closest to you. Then, begin to spread this mindset into other relationships you are a part of.
3. Acceptance
Along with the right perspective and commitment to others comes acceptance.
It is difficult to accept others if we have a view of animosity or bias towards them.
A first step is to take inventory of your own thoughts and feelings toward others and honestly realize any areas that you have trouble with acceptance.
This can include a co-worker, a sibling, a partner, a friend, or any person that we encounter.
We might have negative feelings or even jealousy toward someone and not even realize it. This sentiment can drive our reactions and in turn create difficulty in that relationship.
Negative thoughts for others can be learned from watching it modeled to us or created within our own minds from our thoughts and emotions.
This posture is incredibly unhealthy.
A secret animosity can especially be difficult and should be remedied because it will keep you from a life of wellness.
We have discussed a deeper-rooted acceptance, but it can also pertain to many circumstances that we encounter daily with those around us.
It can be a brief experience with someone we hardly know or even just met.
Good practice is to stay mindful during each situation and portray a posture of acceptance from a genuine stance.
Acceptance is a choice we make and can bring positive influence into our relationships.
4. Kindness
This seems like an obvious point. It should be but is often overlooked in our daily situations.
Kindness can change circumstances and outlooks.
It is a very powerful character trait and can be learned.
A step in the right direction is to increase your spirituality. This can be done in several ways but allows greater peace and insight which relays to the way we treat others.
A little kindness does truly go a long way.
This is proven when we see situations where people pay it forward when someone has shown them kindness.
When speaking about personal relationships, I am often told by others that they have difficulty showing continuous kindness to those closest to them.
This comes from levels of comfort.
Often others see a “nice” side of us more readily than those closest to us do.
This can come from a weaker inner foundation lacking consistent peace and strength.
Those strangers see a nice reaction or maybe a helpful step, but our family sees authentic frustration, negative reactions, and difficulties.
We are the most comfortable with them and unfortunately, they see all sides of us.
An important point here is that nice and kind are not the same thing.
True kindness comes when we are in a settled place within.
Not because things are going perfectly and there is no challenge in life, but that we know how to deal with it.
Being nice to someone is a temporary reaction and does not have the authentic meaning behind it that kindness does.
Kindness creates a gesture of respect toward others. So again, this point leads to actions of our own accord.
A first step to showing authentic kindness to others is to practice on those closest to you.
But first, turn your focus to the steps that you should take to create a greater wholeness within yourself.
5. Communication
One of the greatest challenges of relationships is communication.
This is based on the point that we are all created differently, and no two people can relate completely to each other.
However, we must find a middle ground in our relationships.
Many couples have reported that their communication is lacking and is a problem they need to address to improve their situation.
This deficit is often created from the way communication was modeled to us as children.
Most often it’s explained that there was little to no healthy communication.
Unfortunately, this wreaks havoc unless we do something to change it.
A couple of points to consider when learning to communicate calmly and clearly:
- Listen more than speak
- Keep a low tone
- Use language that portrays your thoughts and not assuming theirs
- Don’t get defensive
- Know your limits
Few relationships operate without disagreements or difference of opinions.
That’s not the issue. Understanding how to navigate these points is key.
Healthy communication must take place to keep further difficulties from arising.
See this article on points for parenting to improve understanding of this relationship also.
A first step in this realm is to assess how you communicate in your relationships. Always assume there’s room for improvement.
6. Pride
This is the only point on the list that isn’t a positive characteristic but must be mentioned.
Pride can be the culprit of some of the greatest relationship downfalls.
As with everything else we’re discussing, it is up to us to identify and make changes. Pride is no different.
When we operate in a prideful manner, it can create arguments, hurt feelings, and wedges in our relationships.
Pride exists in the same realm as shame. The two go hand in hand and can quickly cause problems.
Pride is created when we feel the need to protect our integrity. It can taint our mindset and alter our actions toward those around us.
This thought process births a focus on our own well-being above that of others.
Instead of with commitment, acceptance, and kindness, we approach them with a lack of authenticity because we are attempting to protect our stance.
Pride creates a situation exactly opposite from what we are attempting. Instead of allowing greater integrity, pride brings us to a place of selfishness and misdirection.
Anywhere you have taken a solid stance disallows growth and forward movement.
A first step to alleviate prideful areas in your life is to identify where you feel your needs are greater than those of others. Begin to purposefully make the decision to approach those areas differently, more genuinely, accepting, and in a kind manner.
7. Forgiveness
I have purposefully placed forgiveness at this point in the list. It takes the mentioned characteristics along with an intentional choice to move into authentic forgiveness.
This term gets thrown around in many areas but is not always viewed correctly.
Forgiving someone that has wronged you does not mean that what they did was okay.
It does mean that you are making a conscious choice not to be held prisoner by it any longer.
By nature, we are protective of our own feelings and often hold people accountable for a long time for things they did that hurt us.
Often, the other person does not know we feel we were wronged.
Even so, forgiveness is not for their benefit.
When we choose to continue harboring anger, resentment, and a negative outlook based on another person’s actions, our health suffers.
We were not made to carry burdens, baggage, and replay wrong doings over again in our minds. We would rather turn off our emotions.
It is not easy to forgive.
Struggling with forgiveness is normal but taking forward steps in this is vital to recovering from distress and turmoil.
Unforgiveness causes many issues including emotional stress.
This can be remedied by addressing unforgiveness and increasing emotional wellness.
Usually, the need to forgive someone is obvious as we can readily recall who we are angry at or were hurt by.
A first step after this recognition is to release that person from the hold they have on you.
Once this decision is made, keep stepping and increase your mental wellness and practice forgiveness.
This also includes forgiveness of self is you are holding onto something that is causing you distress.
8. Patience
This characteristic is very important and could have been listed first. It pertains to each area mentioned, so we’ll address it here.
All characteristics that have been discussed take intentional choices and a constant pursuit which requires patience.
This is true of our own steps along with the acceptance and patience of others.
We are often more critical with our own actions than those of others.
Be kind to yourself and remember that this takes time and practice.
It is worth the effort, and you will benefit greatly from taking the steps we have discussed.
One way to increase your level of patience is to lean into greater inner peace by increasing your spirituality.
Realizing greater wholeness creates a healthier perspective toward relationships and life in general.
9. Security
While each of these points is important to healthy relationships, security comes more readily when each area discussed is practiced.
Trust is another part of a healthy relationship, and security allows trust to grow.
That doesn’t mean we must operate perfectly in each area to have trust, but a well-rounded attempt is important.
Trust is often lost when the points mentioned are not a focus, or if an instance takes place that causes trust to be lost.
Authentic security involves trust of actions and even with the way someone considers our feelings.
But let’s go back to the beginning; we do not have control of others, nor are they here to complete us.
Lack of security in a relationship takes time to remedy. To gain security takes all the characteristics: correct perspective, commitment, acceptance, kindness, communication, forgiveness, and patience.
Also, we cannot focus on others from a prideful stance when attempting to increase security.
A great first step is to focus on kindness and acceptance. These two points can create a positive environment and soften even the toughest situation.
Final Thoughts About Relationship Needs
After discussing important relationship characteristics, we should remember that we own our actions, and our choices make a difference.
Each areas discussed is one that we would like to see in all our relationships but that are sometimes absent.
A typical reaction is to give up and move on. However, that doesn’t allow growth or give us a chance to have deeper relationships.
While it takes effort and some work, the points we discussed will create richer circumstances with those around us.
It requires action steps on our part and the commitment to keep going.