Have you ever felt like it’s impossible to control your anger when something is bothering you? Extinguishing your anger isn’t easy, but it’s important when considering your overall health and wellness.
Success with this is possible, but everyone is different. There are steps to take that contribute to achievement of this effort and should be considered when seeking freedom from this disruptive emotion.
Perhaps you’ve been carrying an issue, or you might not even realize what truly bothers you. We’ll look at a process that encourages better outcomes with recognizing and controlling anger.
In This Article
Your Feelings of Anger
Feelings of anger are based on an antagonistic view. This means that you oppose something going on and it causes you frustration. (Or it can be anger building toward someone who opposes you.)
Because this seems obvious, it’s sometimes the only consideration when anger rises. The response to this emotion drives your actions and decisions. However, the deeper root is often missed. But it’s still a part is what’s happening.
To bring change, these points must be recognized and addressed correctly. Let’s take a closer look.
How to Extinguish Your Anger
As we move forward, we’ll address points that promote intentional steps toward extinguishing your anger. Each one has weight in the remedy and should be considered as you move through the process.
Once you’ve leaned into these points, you can use them over and over. Creating a habitual mindset for this can restore your peace and increase overall wellness.
1. Identify the Problem
2. Review Your Expectations when Extinguishing Anger
Taking inventory of your expectations is a needed approach. It is good to adopt this practice often. By using this step continuously, it helps assure nothing falls through the cracks.
This viewpoint is important because unmet expectations readily lead to anger.
If you operate from a perfectionist stance, you’re often going to be disappointed. When this is the case, your level of emotion will be determined by your measurement of completion.
However, this isn’t the only mindset that creates disappointment and frustration. You can easily become resentful about any unmet expectation.
Perhaps someone let you down, you feel like they don’t care, or a situation didn’t take place the way you assumed it would. These are only a couple of examples in a single day that can wreak havoc on your emotions.
Bias and discrimination are also possible with the development of these situations. They are essentially products of anger, or even jealousy, from events that occur(ed) in this same realm.
An honest look at your mindset helps you realize areas that may develop into anger. It’s a necessary step prior to resolution of this emotion.
3. Understand the Parameters
These first three steps include points to create a sharper realization of what is taking place within you. It’s impossible to change something that you don’t understand is a problem.
While needing to maintain an intentional focus, it’s good to take another look at what might be involved with anger.
Rather than keeping a wisdom-filled, mature approach, anger drives home a “sinking” reaction. This is when we stoop to the level of negative or derogatory points that cause issues.
This type of response rarely ends well. Once you’ve flown off the handle so to speak, it’s impossible to take back your words or actions.
Often, the repercussions of this problem are regret, guilt, and it can even impact your self-esteem. These issues pile on to the already present problem that created the situation in the first place.
With this description, it’s easy to see how a bout of anger, even one, can bring you down and cause more concern. What if this takes place over and over? Not only do you fall into a pit, but those around you find it a negative position for them as well.
This is why alleviating anger-filled responses is important.
4. Identify What’s in Your Control
Once you’ve established the problem—and decide that you prefer not to be a part of the parameters of anger—it’s time to take full control.
Although the change begins with your mindset, this is the part that involves your actions.
After you have better understanding of the previous steps, and take the reins, you have the potential to entirely change your approach. This is in your control.
Instead of meandering through your day assuming you can change people or circumstances, be realistic to what you can and can’t control. Your mindset is a point of power.
Remember, it’s better to control an action rather than decide on an inappropriate reaction. Even if your first step is to remove yourself from a potentially volatile situation, walking away for a few moments is better than saying or doing something you will regret.
It’s also important to note that anger causes an increase in numerous health issues. Physical aspects including lack of sleep, worse stress levels, and many diseases can occur alongside existing negative emotions.
Choosing steps to take care of your anger helps with gains for your entire being, inside and out.
5. Seek Balance for Extinguishing Anger
If anger has been a long-standing reaction of yours, or you find it hard to change, keep working toward a resolution.
Along with increasing your mental and physical health, your character is improved by sharpening your skills for tolerance, patience, and even acceptance.
Rather than allowing an issue—or person—to steal your joy, choose to stay in control. This view creates health benefits and encourages empathy for others.
Your body and mind crave a state of balance and this approach gives you more room to build positive traits in place of the negative ones.
When you operate from a reactive standpoint, it’s hard to see past what you feel. Once you’ve chosen a controlled approach, your sight changes. You view situations and people in a different light.
It might even be possible to share your findings with someone else when you recognize similar issues with them. Mentoring a willing person through the steps for extinguishing anger heightens your practice and encourages a feeling of accomplishment. It can increase communication and strengthens relationships.
6. Substitute Other Points
Now that you have a better understanding of the initial steps to extinguish anger, it’s important to maintain an optimistic view.
In addition to changing your outlook, take time to do more things you enjoy. Fill up prior moments of frustration with things you like instead. This is another intentional practice that shapes your mindset to be successful in this realm.
It might be as simple as taking a walk or enjoying nature when you need to diffuse issues or remedy a problem. Everyone is different. Taking time to identify areas that bring you joy can become a substitution for frustration. This is a benefit of taking control during these steps.
If you need a more weighted replacement, use something that takes extra time or energy. Once you’ve established a better understanding, and the points become habitual, smaller encounters are just as effective.
7. Realize Your Wins when Extinguishing Anger
No process is complete without assessment. Don’t overthink this step but do use it.
When you take time to recognize the “wins” that you’ve had, it not only boosts your confidence, but it also helps propel you forward.
Each occurrence may not have been exact, but pick out wins, nonetheless. Even if a portion of a step was beneficial, it’s part of your success. (Or will become so soon enough with continued effort.)
Don’t be hard on yourself, especially in the beginning. It’s not uncommon for an angry reaction to be an embedded part of you, even since childhood perhaps.
One of the best boosts for self-esteem is when others witness a change in you. Although this isn’t what’s solely used to gauge your success, it is a great way to recognize a win. Use it as a stepping-stone for the inside-out-change you continue to seek.
Most importantly, never give up. As you seek balance, remain assured that it is possible to succeed at extinguishing your anger.
Final Thoughts About Extinguishing Your Anger
We began with the point that anger is birthed from an antagonistic view and discussed several steps in the process of extinguishing your anger.
It’s also important to mention that there are occasions when you might need additional help to launch the program or recognize what’s causing your anger. This is especially true if the culprit is a remnant of something from your past. Consider getting assistance from a professional in this case.
In addition, when attempting to alleviate anger, you must stay safe. If you’re in a circumstance with anyone who has a volatile temper, or becomes abusive, leave immediately. The steps we addressed are meant to be a personal endeavor and cannot be forced on anyone else or into an entire situation.
As you accomplish each part of this path, and gain greater success with extinguishing your anger, you’ll continue to progress with lifelong skills for better health and wellness.