It’s true that Southern charm and hospitality are well-known ideas, but I believe these concepts can be true regardless of where you live. How to “mind your manners” is often taught from an early age. It’s a cultural ideology that has spanned generations.
So, how does an overall mindset like this come into play when getting along with others? Is it simply a behavior that we practice in the moment? Do you plaster on a smile and trudge along faking it? How does this pertain to the overall concept of social wellness?
In This Article
Overview of Getting Along with Others
Groundwork can be laid from an early age for how to be congenial to others. It’s the concept that we’re kind and accepting of others rather than causing disjointed situations. However, this is a surface-level thought that can be passed over quickly if deeper feelings of resentment or disdain grow.
It’s more common practice and intentional to avoid those that we dislike. As technology has created a larger gap and a less personal approach, it’s easier to maintain distance from those you aren’t fond of or when someone hurts you.
But as circumstances become less and less personal, it’s never been more important to understand the art of getting along with others. There are creative twists that continuously surface during this effort. Sometimes we’re left just hoping for the best.
Getting along with others requires give not only take. We’ll look at some points to consider when attempting to create lasting relationships or when dealing with those that seem impossible to tolerate.
3 Points About Time When Getting Along with Others
Have you seen the poem by Brian A. “Drew” Chalker about spending time with others? It discusses three types of encounters. These are “reason, season, and lifetime.”
The writing describes these three terms as a guideline for the potential time that people come into our lives. I’ve heard it for years but recently translated these phrases differently. Rather than the amount of time spent with someone, I view it as the impact their relationship has.
Did their encounter contribute for a reason, a season, or was it profound enough to last a lifetime?
Although these parameters do hold truth, it’s impossible to realize in advance exactly how much someone will impact your life. As relationship needs are met, we grow closer. But this takes time.
Even still, you should decide ahead of time how you intend to act towards others, not wait on their actions. Your thoughts drive your emotions, so being congenial is a decision. So is acting difficult or standoffish.
The correct actions help others feel settled. They might feed off your vibe. It’s good to desire that others feel peaceful and welcomed when in your vicinity. We can encourage these feelings to let people know we care.
It’s true that this may not be the preferred method for everyone we encounter. But allowing yourself to negatively react—or become unapproachable—creates stress and health issues. It disqualifies us from building a meaningful relationship with others.
We usually try to avoid those we don’t get along with, and personalities do clash. These are real issues in many situations. Your thoughts toward people can fuel your dislike and in turn your actions. Once that ball is rolling, it’s hard to change the course.
Now that we realize our interactions should be intentional and decisive, let’s review each of the three areas Chalker wrote about.
Reason
This is the shortest time span for encounters and may only be a matter of minutes, hours, or days. It usually pertains to a situation that assists decision making or an encouragement for something to take place. It might involve a circumstance that promotes confidence when you’re on the verge of taking a step.
While there are a variety of specifics that this could cover, the idea is that a short period of time bridged the gap from one step to the next. Ultimately an outcome took place because of this encounter.
Season
Just as with passing seasons, this encounter brings with it a longer amount of time. Each year is made up of four seasons with a period that lasts many weeks and into months. This type of situation creates enough of an impact that it lasts to usher you through a period of time.
It’s even possible that someone continues to stick around while this is taking place. Either way, they’ve impacted you enough to create memories or information that you’ll recall for several months.
Lifetime
These are encounters that hold the most weight. They often include family and loyal friends. Those involved for a lifetime often have the greatest wisdom, determine problem solving for situations, and create endearing memories.
We are usually in authentic relationships with these individuals and count on them as part of our support network. However, this doesn’t always have to be the case. Often teachers, professors, childhood friends, and others leave a lasting impression on us that progresses throughout a lifetime.
3 Foundational Points for Getting Along with Others
Just as there are three guidelines of time that most encounters can be filed into, there are also three main categories of action steps. We have established that it’s important to decide how we intend to treat others when interacting. These points help keep us in check during the process. It’s also good to understand emotional thinking which determines actions.
Since there are several concepts when first beginning a relationship, we often get hung up on judging multiple situations. Instead, we’ll look at three topic areas. Each has subcategories that are more easily determined once understood.
Before moving on, let’s identify some reasons that we might feel mistreated or have dislike for others. Some of these are envy, embarrassment, feeling inferior, and even lacking power we desire. Mistreating others can be a learned behavior if it’s modeled to you.
If any of these are present prior to or during an encounter with someone, it’s necessary to be honest with yourself. Until this is remedied, it will be difficult to advance toward getting along with others.
Now, back to the three categories. These deciding factors in a relationship are acceptance, communication, and forgiveness.
Acceptance
The first point is acceptance. Realizing in all situations that we should stay open-minded and have willingness to get along is important. Instead of allowing those things that grate your nerves to lead, you should accept that you cannot change them. You only have the power to control your own mindset and actions. It’s a great way to encourage positive influence.
Instead of focusing on the negative, try finding a common ground with others. We often become disgruntled and don’t take the time to know someone before we assume they’re annoying. Or can even base this decision on one act. While digging deeper into their interests, it’s possible to set boundaries that will move things forward slowly if needed.
One point that often creates disdain is feeling out of control in the situation. It’s challenging to maintain desired circumstances with unfamiliar personalities involved. But, if you enter while remembering these points, it becomes much easier to approach someone with an accepting mindset.
Communication
Communication is another necessary point for getting along with others. Without authentic and structured communication, a situation can quickly spiral out of control. As mentioned with acceptance, a part of good communication is a true interest in the other person. If we enter into a relationship seeking to understand someone, it lays healthy groundwork.
Another vital part of communication is listening. In fact, I teach that we should spend twice as long listening as talking. This helps ensure that we realize what is taking place, understand others, and empathize with them.
Additional layers of communication are vulnerability and honesty. If we have seasonal or lifetime encounters, it naturally promotes opportunities for more openness. If you feel that you have things to hide, but you want an authentic relationship, it’s time to decide what steps you’ll take.
Communication involves a variety of techniques and additional ideas. But intention to promote better discussion and more astute listening skills helps you get along with others. Although technology is often considered a downfall in situations, there are some positive effects of social media to consider.
Forgiveness
This is one of the most important points for getting along with others. We know the world isn’t perfect, nor are we. With the acceptance that people were not made to complete you—and that many mistakes will be made—we intentionally decide to forgive those that disappoint us.
A vital part of this mindset is to understand that it does not release anyone from an action or decision that hurt you. But you are intending to move forward away from the hurt to create a more optimistic and healthier space.
We all screw up, and some missteps are bigger than others. Contrary to what we often hear explained, forgiveness is an act accompanied by a conscious decision. It does not mean that you feel like giving someone a break. It’s important to realize if we wait until we feel like forgiving, we could likely never take a step. Check out these personal growth quotes to encourage success.
3 Differences to Consider Between Personal and Professional Encounters
I describe this category of getting along with others as the investment plus the expected return involved in a situation. That is, the amount of brain power, intention, socialization, emotion, and action that goes into your encounters. This in addition to the expected outcome. When considering these points, it usually becomes apparent which category your relationships fall into.
These guidelines are used to determine the difference between a personal and a professional encounter (including educational settings). They often take place subconsciously for a time. This is because we usually view our job or education as necessary and a means to an end. A financial outcome, diploma, or advancement. On the other hand, our personal situations bring different thoughts, emotions, and actions. We naturally intend to have a different experience in the two settings.
Interest Level
One point often highlighted is the common ground we share with others. In professional settings, we share skills, common mindsets, and especially like-minded goals. This promotes more of a team atmosphere. It creates ability to help each other reach a final result. There is likely an end in sight or a light at the end of the tunnel.
With personal situations, we have a broader end scope. If the relationship is important, we generally desire a long-term path with no end in sight. The intention is to build common ground during this journey and learn to get along with each other.
Because these guidelines are readily and subconsciously laid, it is beneficial to intentionally broaden our outlook in these situations. This is especially true in a professional setting. Digging a little deeper can create better opportunities to get to know others and work well together. In addition, for personal settings, you can use this mindset to learn more about those that are important to you.
Vulnerability
This was addressed earlier when discussing acceptance. But vulnerability also becomes necessary when working on relationships with those around you in a variety of settings.
Regarding a professional stance, it might be helpful to show more of yourself than only your intellect. As you learn to open up, it creates space for others to get to know you and often encourages a breakthrough. This can be incorporated into team building especially when attempting to identify skills and strengths for everyone.
In your personal relationships, it’s even more expected that vulnerability surfaces as a trait from each person involved. This brings with it the understanding that everyone is contributing something to the experience.
The more vulnerable you become in either of these settings, the more trust grows. It’s a give and take that’s necessary for understanding. One cannot usually work without the other. Plus, realizing the truth about emotions can help guide the process.
Commitment
Commitments are basically choices. When you look at it in this way, you gain greater understanding of your power when making a commitment. In professional settings, a boss, co-worker, or team player has an expectation for your commitment toward the situation. It holds weight because of the opportunities of advancement, financial gain, or educational success.
In a personal situation, this point is still gaining a desirable outcome, but it is less tangible than monetary or status recognition. The result of commitment in a personal encounter reaps its own rewards of closeness, character building, deeper meaning, and even trust.
In fact, when getting along with others, and making intentional decisions, it’s wise to realize that each of these three categories—interest, vulnerability, and commitment—create more trust in your situations.
Final Thoughts About Getting Along with Others
During our journey, we encounter experiences for a variety of reasons but for different lengths of time. Each of these contributes to our wisdom when getting along with others.
In addition, we looked at three categories that most relational decisions fall into: acceptance, communication, and forgiveness. These are intentional decisions and should be approached as such when beginning experiences with others. Keeping an open mind during circumstances creates room for better outcomes.
Finally, we reviewed three differences between professional and personal encounters. We highlighted interest, vulnerability, and commitment. These encourage understanding of a specific view to get along with others in every circumstance.