Seeing the Big Picture
Simply thinking about upcoming holidays can send us into a tailspin. There are many issues and emotions that surface. Things can go awry at any point when preparing and celebrating. So, what should we do? A good first step is changing the way you view the time.
We’ll shine light on some points that are helpful when attempting to shift your perspective. But before we focus on holiday stressors, let’s look at what goes on the rest of the year.
There are situations that need our attention every day. It’s easy to feel constantly pulled and end up drained. We’re often stretched to capacity and might want to give up.
Check out the following numbers that show this more clearly for employees and families. They’re based on working, living, and raising a child. No wonder we feel exhausted!
- 349 days or 2,792 hours worked per year (6 holidays and a two-week vacation)
- 18,615 meals (17 years)
- 2,000 feedings during baby’s first year
- 2,208 packed lunches for 12 years of school (one child)
- 4,416 trips to school (drop off and pick up)
- 840 days of summer vacation during school years
- 3,536 loads of laundry (based on 4 loads a week for 17 years)
- 884 grocery trips (once weekly for 17 years)
In This Article
Common Stressors During the Holidays
This glimpse into our daily routine shows how demanding our lives are but is only a portion of what takes place. It doesn’t include cleaning, shopping, paying bills or the numerous other points of your day.
With this information considered, it’s easy to understand why holidays tend to create additional stress and leave us hoping for the best. Although the intention is to make memories, it can quickly end up happening for the wrong reasons.
Let’s look at some situations that create increased stress for the holidays.
Small Windows of Opportunity
When imagining the events of a holiday celebration, it becomes evident that there’s not enough time in the day for everything to happen. We put pressure on the situation before it even begins by expecting things to go well and finding time for everyone. It’s not uncommon when family is gathered to have a short period of time. This promotes a feeling of nervous anticipation by assuming responsibility and setting expectations for that time. We often take responsibility if something doesn’t go well.
Family Relationships
The larger the family, it often creates difficulty for numerous personalities to mesh. Even with the same bloodline, we’re all different people. It’s not uncommon to have disagreements. This may take place much of the time rather than occasionally. Stress is formed during anticipation of arguments or negativity. Especially with the mindset that the intended time is supposed to be joyful. These clashes can quickly change a holiday from enjoyable to stressful and leave a gap in family wellness.
Traveling
Holiday time of year is usually cumbersome for travelers, especially if you have a group. Between higher prices, traffic, flight times changing, and delays, you’re bound to come across difficulties. It’s an obvious time for large numbers of people to be in the same movement patterns. This automatically creates problems beyond the norm. Just the thought of packing, unpacking, departing, arriving, and all the in between causes stress. Whether you’re a frequent traveler or it’s your first time, the anticipation of the unknown with so many dynamics can be unsettling.
Grief After Loss or Feeling Alone
It’s well known that time around holidays is more difficult when you have lost someone special. The emptiness can be consuming when it’s time to move through traditions without a loved one that was always present. This is especially true if the person was the one that hosted or was the glue that kept it amazing. There is a gamut of authentic emotions that go with this absence, especially for the first years after a death. This causes stress among those gathered and is sometimes the reason for changes in a normally scheduled holiday. The anticipation of facing this situation can be overwhelming.
Financial Stress
Among tensions that take place during the holidays, financial stress is one of the biggest. This happens when gifts are purchased, credit is used, and food is bought. It’s not uncommon to attempt to top situations from previous years. The anticipation of pleasing others and going beyond is stressful. It can create a spiral of added worry. We’re often caught up in the current moment but don’t foresee what may come from overextending financially. This type of stress not only begins during the holiday, but it also continues into the time afterward.
Perspectives for Peaceful Holidays
We’ve addressed several points that cause extra stress during the holidays. While there are authentic emotions involved in each, taking note that they all include anticipation of situations is important. These stressors are certainly points to consider. But when talking about perspectives, it’s key to assess how you’re viewing each of them.
One point worth mentioning is that this type of anticipation creates a space for worry when something hasn’t happened yet. It takes a specific effort—and makes a negative notion—versus waiting to react after circumstances take place.
It’s easy to assume a situation will be much worse before it happens—if it even does. Let’s look at some action steps to change your mindset rather than worry about the outcome for your holiday.
1. Plan Ahead
This is an obvious way to get ready when hosting, traveling, cooking, shopping, and before most holiday events. It takes a little time but is well worth the effort. Instead of procrastinating, assuming things will work out, or anticipating the worst, do you part to plan ahead.
This may include a list of ingredients, what people are involved, any special diets needed, gifts to be purchased, and even saving throughout the year to prepare for the holidays. Each step you take before the time comes allows more cushion for the actual events. Planning ahead can pertain to each of the stressors we mentioned and is good in most life situations in general.
2. Let Others Help You
Some are better than others at receiving helpful gestures. You might be one who thrives while serving others, and you don’t need assistance. Even so, holidays are a time for gathering and enjoying each other’s company. Make a practice of allowing others to help you with preparing, planning, cooking, shopping, gathering items, packing, and unpacking.
There are numerous steps to take when traveling or hosting. Bringing others into the mix helps them feel useful and creates bonds that may not have existed before. Practicing this might seem a little unsettling if you’re not used to it but try focusing on the joy it brings others to be helpful. Allow them to show you they care.
This also pertains when dealing with grief or loneliness during the holidays. Try not to be alone during this time. Neighbors, friends, or coworkers often reach out. Don’t turn them away. Allow them to be present. There are also support groups that realize how difficult the time can be.
3. Be Graceful and Accepting of Others
This should be practiced inside and outside of the home. We already mentioned holidays can be difficult due to certain family dynamics. In addition, when dealing with numerous people and situations during events and traveling, it’s important to be accepting and graceful.
We know negative anticipation drags us down, but it’s also stressful to get swept up in behaviors of those around us. Instead, take a stance and challenge yourself to be accepting of others. Patience and kindness are great character traits of grace and help sticky situations go more smoothly.
Getting along with others is especially hard when they aren’t acting in a constructive manner. You always have a choice. You’ll be less stressed and more peaceful when you take this action.
4. Realistic Expectations
Holidays are filled with expectations of perfect situations all around. There seems to be more pressure to perform, purchase, and provide. As these intentions are addressed it becomes common to expect perfection, from others and from yourself. The concept of making things “just right” for everyone during this special time causes stress.
It’s important to be accepting of your own limitations. Having an expectation of perfection creates unrealistic circumstances. During a time when stress could potentially rise, spend time being intentionally mindful. Step away when needed and create a safe space to consider realistic views and abilities.
5. Have an Optimistic View
Along with staying realistic during holiday situations, practice having an optimistic outlook. This is a great way to override negative anticipation. Instead of having concern that things may happen a certain way, try using an optimistic approach no matter what you face. This is a choice and can be applied to any stressor.
This view promotes staying focused even if things don’t go as planned. Instead of everything turning out the way you intend, it’s alright for there to be alternate outcomes. That doesn’t make it negative. You can maintain that optimism creates a space for acceptance no matter. It leaves room for changes and understanding that holidays are loaded with moving parts and that a variety of circumstances are possible.
6. Start a New Tradition
Staying open-minded to changing things up is a good way to ensure you have a peaceful holiday. This may be planned or unplanned. New traditions are great when you have an adjustment with finances, family shake ups, have experienced a loss, and most anytime.
Realizing that all traditions were new at some point helps with an accepting view. As families grow, groups change, and even with solo experiences, it’s the perfect time to start a new tradition. Get multiple views and make a point to celebrate the best ideas. This helps everyone feel included with new traditions. Adding something to each generation creates memories that truly belong to everyone.
Working through grief during the holidays is a tough time to consider new traditions. Perhaps maintaining the same methods helps your steps. But stay open-minded to beginning a new tradition during your transition. This might include an idea that will create a different way to celebrate your loved one.
Final Thoughts about Perspective for the Holidays
Holidays are filled with gatherings, cheer, and wonderful memories. But they can also grind our nerves and become stressful in a moment. We looked at a number of circumstances that disrupt your peaceful mindset and push you into tension-filled situations.
Instead of keeping this view, use the points addressed for peaceful holidays. It takes intention and effort but promotes a better outcome than maintaining a negative outlook. Don’t let the holidays become a time of dread. Practice the steps addressed for greater peace of mind.