Anyone who spends time around children knows that it can be challenging to keep them motivated. It’s even tougher when you have more than one child. They each have different learning styles, interests, and responses. So, what are we to do?
Let’s start by reviewing some helpful information about motivation and inspiration. Inspiration is a driving force within us that builds curiosity and passion. Motivation is what we use to create action and bring inspiration, and goals, to fruition.
It can be difficult as an adult to stay motivated. It’s especially challenging to encourage someone younger to keep moving forward. One of the best ways to teach our kids motivation is by modeling it. If we demonstrate ways to accomplish things, it creates a greater drive when they need it.
The goal is to build motivation into their everyday steps. No one is perfect or stays motivated all the time. But, when we teach children what motivation looks like, and show them the outcome, they have a greater understanding. It creates a lasting impression.
The idea is to find ways that help encourage your children, so the techniques become lifelong. This foundation is beneficial and can increase their overall wellness.
We’ll review nine ways to help motivate children. Later we’ll look at how my own children responded when asked about motivation. Gauging your kids’ views helps you become a healthy mom.
In This Article
1. Let Them Know You Care
This seems like an obvious approach, but it’s often overlooked as a specific effort. Parents assume that kids realize their importance in the household. However, it’s important to let children of all ages know their worth.
Letting a child know that they matter and are important creates space for trust. Assuring them you want to know their thoughts and interests allows a place for conversation and growth.
Although we often see children as fun-loving and playful, they have inspiration just like we do. Encouraging them to identify their interests is a great way to create natural motivation. Ask your child what makes them curious and find out about their passions. For younger kids, don’t hesitate to talk to them. Although their answers will change over time, this creates a space for dreaming and safety to experience their interests.
Just as you portray to them that you embrace their inspiration, don’t hesitate to let them know how much they matter also. Spend time in front of them intentionally.
Younger children see adults as towering above them. Get on their level and make eye contact. Make sure that they know how important the time is when you’re together. Remove intimidations so that they feel comfortable. Initiating this relationship sets groundwork for years to come.
If your child is older, don’t shy away from asking them about their inspiration. It might be more challenging to get a direct answer if they question your sincerity, but with continued interest, they’ll usually share.
It’s never too late to build communication and this part of a relationship. Especially since their lifelong success is affected by it. See this article on parenting points for some helpful tips.
2. Help Them See the Big Picture
We often stay laser focused to promote our child’s happiness and help with achievements. However, we can miss the bigger picture about motivation with this method. Sometimes, we do whatever it takes to help children feel successful, but that’s not always the best method.
As adults we know that everyone can’t succeed every time. It’s an important lesson to teach children when the opportunity arises.
Instead of focusing only on the outcome, a look at the whole scenario helps create a healthier view. Learning about our strengths and weaknesses is an important life lesson. We all have different giftings and cannot possibly expect to achieve fully each time. Although, we keep trying and stay motivated.
Teaching children, even younger ones, about their whole being and the importance of physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual wellness creates well-rounded individuals. An effort only about winning, or any single avenue, leaves gaps in their growth.
Grades are a great example. They are a standard measure of achievement. Everyone uses a similar scale. Even with understood standards, we should teach children that grades aren’t all that matters. Knowledge that starts during childhood is used throughout our lifetime. The big picture is that gaining more understanding overall is better than focusing only on the grade.
Another point to maintain with your child is communication. The big picture is that remaining open during situations allows talking and expression. Along with further communication comes the importance of teaching children that other students can pressure them into incorrect avenues of motivation. It’s necessary to encourage them to identify their own choices rather than become swept up by others. Knowing guidelines for getting along with others is important.
3. Remind Them They are Unique
One of the most interesting parts of raising great children is shaping what type of person they become while recognizing their inspiration. Each of us is unique and that’s no different for our kids.
Teaching them about their uniqueness—and encouraging it—is an important part of motivation. Children may not share our same interests, and that should be embraced. We should never attempt to force our desires on them.
Joining kids in learning what they are passionate about is an amazing part of their childhood. Spending time leaning into their interests and promoting their individuality is important. It creates a deeper relationship and helps them grow into the young people they were made to be.
As our children grow and learn, and we encourage their uniqueness, it allows them to have increased confidence. Understanding that they have contributions is a great way to teach them motivation. When we keep encouraging, and heightening the awareness about how special they are, it promotes more motivation of their potential. Using declarations is an amazing way to lean into this.
Continuing the focus on their individual interests, and teaching them to embrace these traits, is part of what displays the importance of their uniqueness.
4. Focus on How They Have Grown
Instead of focusing on specific steps and exactly what a child does to succeed, try looking at the ways they’ve grown. Children enjoy hearing stories about when they were younger. This encompasses their physical growth and how they’ve changed.
In addition, keeping children in touch with how they have grown in other ways is beneficial. As a parent or guardian, we’ve witnessed the years our children have grown and changed. Reminding them of areas where they have personal achievements—not solely successes—can promote motivation.
This could include deeper understanding of consequences, becoming a better friend, increasing respect for adults, completing chores or responsibilities on their own, and spreading kindness to others.
There are numerous ways to encourage our children while reminding them of their personal growth. Taking the time to point out these wins gives them a sense of accomplishment, and motivation to strive for more. It creates a mindset of focus on their character and choices rather than actions that may be rewarded.
5. Let Them Teach You
Children are used to being taught a variety of lessons. Once they reach school age it becomes natural for them to expect that they’ll learn about many different subjects.
It’s easy for kids to become overrun with expectations and only assume the mindset of a student. However, we should never allow their learning to become mundane and keep them from creating, building, and engaging in their passions.
One way to keep encouraging your children is to ask what they have learned. Create excitement by seeking to be taught by them. This promotes ways to identify what interests your child has. Allow them to spend time teaching you about their favorite lessons and what they enjoy most about school, about the environment, or even their perspective.
At a younger age, this instills confidence in your children. They enjoy the feeling of accomplishment by sharing information with you. It can create a ripple effect that spreads to other areas that they want to share.
In addition, watch your children and recall what it’s like to have a child-like view. Our innocence quickly disappears as we age. Life involves stress and difficulties. Peer back into the times of enjoyment without a care in the world by participating when your younger children play and create.
For older children, maintain an interest in what they are involved in. This could be sports, extracurriculars, or even simply what type of communication they are using with their friends. Don’t allow a gap to form with your tweens and teens. Stay interested by motivating rather than judging. Ask them to show you how they focus on technology and the latest trends. This can be a segway to communication for next steps in high school and even further after graduation.
6. Don’t Always Use Rewards for Motivation
Behavior modification is necessary when leading a class or group of kids. Once they understand the rules and expectations, kids have opportunities to operate in a clear way. For safety and optimal learning, this is important with groups of children. Positive reinforcement has been proven to have a place in teaching and leading.
It is extremely common to use rewards such as sticker, snacks, and free time to motivate children. While these items are good on occasion, it’s important not to fully rely on them when teaching children about motivation.
Without a focus on their own inspirations and accomplishments, it creates space for continued expectation based on an item. Completing assignments without rewards may not be as fun to younger children, but it will give them a better view of reality.
We need to allow children space where their character and accomplishments are part of the result and are a reward in their own standing. When we focus only on the reward system, and children learn to expect it, they often overlook their own thoughts and interests. Instead, they are performing for a treat or item.
Prizes do naturally become phased out as children age in school. They often see this as “growing up and leaving the fun behind.” While it can be challenging to change the norm of behavior and accomplishment awards in schools, it should be explored.
When children form an expectation of being rewarded for performance, an unrealistic bond is formed. Moderation is always key with tangible rewards. Using other methods in addition is an important way to show children multiple types of motivation.
Teaching them to look at the importance of respect, even of self, while working is important. This type of motivation is longer-lasting as they navigate through their youth.
7. Celebrate Your Child Not Only Their Actions
From a young age, children understand when we are pleased with their actions and when we seem upset with them. Celebrating when they make attempts is important. Since you know your child and how things affect them, you can use this method of motivation when it’s most appropriate.
All children like to feel successful, and this includes their impression of what you think about them. While greater successes can warrant an all-out celebration, don’t forget about the smaller occurrences too. Celebrations come in many different forms.
A trip to get ice cream obviously shows celebration, but so does hanging a picture or paper on the refrigerator. The key is to keep in mind that the celebration needs to be about them, not the act. This may go against the grain for many who are used to encouraging kids by celebrating their wins with rewards. If the child feels the celebration is based on the action only, they will feel disappointed when they assume they’ve let you down.
Sometimes what may be considered a loss can also be a celebration. What about a child who is in trouble at school for an offense but was truthful when asked what happened? Although they knew they had wronged, great character was shown by not lying. While parents often turn only toward punishment in this situation, it’s important to create a safe space. Encouraging a child about their “right” actions, even during a “wrong,” allows them to learn the difference and can create motivation to choose wisely the next time.
This is an important foundational type of motivation and can quickly turn into self-assessment by your child. As they age, and their character continues to form, these occurrences help shape them. No child should feel like most of what they do is wrong. This continued defeat creates a sharper decline in their motivation and will.
If they enter tween and eventually teen years feeling that they have been a disappointment, it’s hard to find motivation. They will likely act according to what they have assumed people think. They have nothing to lose. But children, including those in difficult situations, will usually report that even the smallest celebration of their character by an adult stuck with them. Check out these meaningful messages for mom from their children.
8. Teach Children to Break Up Tasks
We’ve all experienced frustration. It’s a common occurrence for adults, and we should realize that it is also real for children, even younger kids. Recognizing that they have frustration is the beginning of teaching them the tools to stay motivated and overcome.
If you see your child become frustrated with a task, have them step away from the situation. Instead of allowing them to throw in the towel, or doing it for them, begin teaching them coping mechanisms at a young age. If your children are older, the methods we’ll discuss still work, but you might have to encourage them to give it a try. Since they are more set in their ways it will likely take more practice.
Taking a break when frustrated, even for a few moments allows a reset. Ask your child if they think doing the task in small increments would be helpful. Sometimes, demonstrating an example of this works better. It won’t always be the solution, but even encouraging the mindset creates a space that invites them to problem solve. The goal is to find a way to finish without staying frustrated.
With older kids, it’s not uncommon to see them trying to power through an assignment without stopping, even when they are very frustrated. Sometimes this has been self-inflicted by procrastination. Encourage children, of all ages, to stay motivated to begin and complete their tasks. Modeling this for them also helps teach correct methods.
Some children report they are “better under pressure” and purposefully wait to complete assignments. This is not usually true especially for young minds formulating and problem solving while learning to take on young adult responsibilities. Instead, they end up despising the tasks they are setting out to finish.
Motivating children to start early, take steps in small increments, and finish strong is a healthier way to approach situations. If you don’t usually operate in this method, try it. While modeling for your children, you might find yourself less frustrated as well.
9. Don’t Always Rescue Them
Because we want our children to succeed, we are quick to enable them when it comes to anything that is challenging.
Part of growing up with wellness and confidence is to try things solo and even sometimes fail. When we continuously help our children to keep them from experiencing pain, and to plan their victories, we strip them of fully learning about life.
It’s not easy to watch your child suffer in an ill-fated friendship or make a bad grade when forgetting an assignment. But if children are allowed to experience the circumstances from these situations, they more quickly recall them. They are usually less likely to repeat the offense and more likely to learn from mistakes.
If we don’t allow mistakes because we’re too busy rescuing them, children don’t get the benefit of learning. When we continuously monitor a child’s life and step in before they make a mistake, it shows them how to do things our way. Each of us in unique. Instead, let your child make a few mistakes. They will learn to see things through their own lens rather than only how you show them.
Giving them room to make their own choices—even the wrong ones sometimes—teaches them responsibility. If they grow up with you cleaning up their messes, or preventing them, children don’t truly gain an understanding of their place in the situation.
Learning consequences is an important part of life. It’s great for children to be taught this at home but give them space to learn it at school and with peers as well. It builds their character and can encourage a breakthrough.
A Child’s View of Motivation
When my daughters were interviewed regarding their thoughts about motivation, here’s what they said.
18-Year-Old
“I feel motivated when I know I did something well and that the effort was mine. Motivation is used when I figure out what needs to be done and work to do it. I know I can do certain things well and using my skills to do them makes me feel good.”
10-Year-Old
“I think rewards are good but don’t feel like you should use them too much. It’s good to work and rest and succeed. It feels good when I get things done, and I try to look for things I can do. I like being told I did something well. I don’t always have to have a good example but can still accomplish something.”
Final Thoughts About Motivating Children
Encouraging our children by finding the best ways to motivate them is part of our job. No matter what the situation, it’s important to focus on the child and their character rather than a specific action and reward.
Increasing and embracing their curiosity and passions are great ways to learn more about your child’s interests. Once this is discovered, use the knowledge to create the most beneficial methods for motivation.